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Evgeni Malkin Trades Pittsburgh Sports Writers

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In wake of being the subject of trade possibilities, 75% of which have come from his adopted hometown's media, Penguins star forward Evgeni Malkin announced he has traded the entire batch Pittsburgh sports writers.

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"They write bad, you know, so trade more trade everybody", Malkin said.  In past weeks several columnists have said the Penguins should investigate trading the center, whose high salary and low performance this year contributed to Pittsburgh being bounced in the second round of the Stanley Cup playoffs.

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"Last year we win, they say I'm best player in game.  This year, we play bad, we lose, they call for my head.  It's not good," Malkin continued. 

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It wasn't exactly clear where Malkin intended to send the mainstream media writers, nor what he was seeking in return.  It does, however, appear that in Malkin's America, hockey superstar trades you.

Photographs by dizfunk used in background montage under Creative Commons. Thank you.