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The Onion as Jerry Sandusky: 'They can never take away my memories'

The satirical website pens an article as Jerry Sandusky.

Patrick Smith - Getty Images

The Onion has a new opinion piece written in the voice of Jerry Sandusky, and, well, it's as disturbing as you might expect. In fact, it's not even particularly funny, nor is it trying to be. It's just disturbing.

It’s true I no longer have the privileges you do. I can’t go to restaurants or drive my car. I can’t even go down to the corner store to buy a newspaper. I am, however, in complete control of when I choose to think about all those times I engaged in deviant sexual intercourse with a minor. And those memories of forcing children to pleasure me sexually make me very, very happy. Very happy.

This is, unfortunately, probably not far from the truth. It reminds me of Dan Wetzel's recent article about Sandusky's speech at his sentencing.

"I look at those walls and I see light," Sandusky joyously declared. "I see letters of support, I see great memories." ...

"I see my throwing thousands of kids up in the air, hundreds of water balloon battles, happy times, people laughing with us," Sandusky said. "I see kids laughing and playing, and I see a loveable dog licking their face."

For decades, Sandusky used every manipulative trick to molest young boys, and he was trying the same here. To bring up his ruse of tossing prepubescent boys into the air – one of his first moves grooming new victims in the pool at the Second Mile camp for disadvantaged children that McGettigan calls a "victim factory" – was particularly cruel.

Somewhere, deep in Sandusky's brain, is a smirk that may never go away.

Photographs by dizfunk used in background montage under Creative Commons. Thank you.