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Jerry Sandusky Attorney Says His Client May Have Showered With Boys To Help Them With Hygiene

“I have the worst ****ing attorneys.”

-George Bluth on Arrested Development

A lawyer for former Penn State assistant football coach Jerry Sandusky says Sandusky showered with boys not because he wanted to rape them, but because he wanted to teach them hygiene. Yes, really. Sandusky attorney Karl Rominger:

“Some of these kids don’t have basic hygiene skills,” Rominger told WHTM-TV on Tuesday. “Teaching a person to shower at the age of 12 or 14 sounds strange to some people, but people who work with troubled youth will tell you there are a lot of juvenile delinquents and people who are dependent who have to be taught basic life skills like how to put soap on their body.”

Wow. Wow wow wow. This immediately tops the list of audacious excuses for terrible behavior. Not only is it bizarre and not believable, but it adds more than a touch of contempt for the children Sandusky was allegedly molesting. You see, they’re dirty people. What a terrible thing to say. The cluelessness of Sandusky’s attorneys continues to amaze me. I was about to compare this particular excuse to Larry Craig’s “I have a wide stance” excuse for allegedly soliciting sex in an airport bathroom, but this one is so much worse – even less believable, and not only ridiculous, but profoundly offensive.

Photographs by dizfunk used in background montage under Creative Commons. Thank you.