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Jeff Pearlman Fails At Lampooning Pirates

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The Pirates can, and probably should, be mocked for a lot of things. You don't get any passes after 18 consecutive losing seasons. As pro sports franchises go, the Bucs are about as incompetent as they come, so it's no surprise that a national writer would enjoy taking some pot shots at them.

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That said, it takes a special level of poor writing to do so and come out looking worse than the team, but Sports Illustrated's Jeff Pearlman achieved it today in his article titled "What's ahead for Clint Hurdle? A look at the Pirates' future".

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April 7, 2010: Having kicked off the season with six straight road losses, the Pirates draw 32,000 fans to their home opener with Jermaine Allensworth Bobblehead Doll Night. They lose, 20-2.

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April 9, 2010: All 32,000 Jermaine Allensworth Bobblehead Dolls are recalled after the Post-Gazette reports that they were made from Chinese toxic dry wall components. Huntington apologizes and announces that the May 10 game against the Dodgers will be free. "All fans are welcomed," he said. "We can't wait to see you!"

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May 10, 2010: 7,321 spectators storm PNC Park. The Pirates lose, 14-3. It is the second largest crowd of the season.

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That's right. Jeff Pearlman is forecasting farcical events for dates that have already passed. I'd make a witty remark, but it's not really worth it. Keep up the good work, Jeff.

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Photographs by dizfunk used in background montage under Creative Commons. Thank you.